5 December 2007
Our baby has always enjoyed a nice, big poo. I imagine him age 20 - he’ll be the one in his house-share who commandeers the toilet for an hour with a copy of
Viz so they're all bitching about fumiating the loo. He poos for England. And he especially likes a good poo at night time. He wakes up around 5.30am at the moment and honestly, the house smells so much like a Victorian sewer, it’s impossible to believe that fetid mess has come from one, tiny, 9 month old cutey.
There’s so much poo that it leaks out extensively in all directions so we have to wash both his night suits, his grobag, the sheet and the cover almost nightly – at least 5 times a week - sometimes there's even poo juice on the sheets and mattress cover. And yes, I’ve tried feeding him enough high carb foods to constipate a horse, and I’ve tried every variety of disposable and washable nappy known to man. But it’s the same, nasty, leaky story every morning. Ds1 and I measure a morning by how many wipes it takes to get the baby clean 'ooh! It's gonna be a nine-wiper today, Rhianon!' he says, gleefully. It dominates our morning routine, the clothes are threadbare from washing and frankly, there’s more to life than cleaning baby poo, right?
I needed to take action. Christmas shopping online I was struck by inspiration: rubber knickers! That’s what we need! Google will provide!
Yes, yes, in retrospect I appreciate it was naïve of me to run a search for ‘rubber knickers’ expecting baby accessories (WAIT! I see your finger twitching for google but I don’t want your ruined reputation on my conscience – save it till you’re home from work at least), even worse because I actually clicked on the first one, just seeing ‘precious baby wear’ not noticing it to be of the adult baby variety. No, don’t think about it.
'Plastic pants’ turned out to be a bit more fruitful – tons of forum stuff on bedwetting for older kids though. Poor kids, it must be terrible having to wear these things when you’re going to your first sleepovers. It was still tricky to find pants which are higher at the back than those designed for use with disposable nappies, but still for use with babies, but google did provide in the form of blue and frilly (I know! Great, huh?). Me, my exhausted washing machine and the Society for Abused Grobags eagerly await their arrival.