The transparent parent
16 January 2009
All humans have things that stress them out, make them sad and worry them. It is a natural part of life. Parents, however, carry the responsibility of keeping these things from their children in order to protect them. It is the parent’s job to make them feel safe. Some parents are not so good at doing this. I am one of those parents.
I was born with my heart on my sleeve. I’ve never been good at hiding my feelings or repressing them. If I am happy, it is obvious. If I am distressed, you will know just by looking at me. I failed to realize, as my kids got older, that wearing my heart on my sleeve would inevitably cause my children to absorb by emotions and become stressed out as well. Since children are not able to easily process these things and cope with them, it can affect them so much more than an adult.
Some of my children are extremely sensitive to their surroundings. These are the ones who pick up on my emotions and thoughts even if I do not say a word about what is bothering me. I have had to learn to shift my focus to more positive ways of looking at life and difficult situations. Is it easy? No. Is it necessary? Yes, if you want to ease the burden that you may be inadvertently putting on your children’s hearts and minds.
I am not saying that parents are not allowed to feel stressed. I am a high stress person and could never rid myself of stress and the anxiety that comes with it. I am saying that parents need to learn to handle their stress and anything negative, so that they can focus on being a positive and emotionally stable parent. Parents in this category should share their feelings with other adults and have an outlet for their stress. Therapy is a good way to get the relief that comes from sharing. It can help the parent to put things into perspective and come away with a sense of relief. That way, they can be a calm and positive parent for the sake of their children.
Being transparent can be beneficial in some aspects. Your kids are easily able to see the love that you have for them. Parents who fall into this category also feel more inclined to have an open line of communication with their kids. As long as these parents, including me, can learn to cope with stress and emotion in a healthy manner, they will be able to proudly wear their heart on their sleeves and still provide a sense of security for their children.
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16 January 2012 01:15
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