Bullying myths busted
Your views on bullying – whether your child is being bullied or has been bullying other kids – make a big difference when it comes to solving the problem. Come at it from the wrong angle and dismiss it as nothing and you risk the incidents escalating. Seeing it for what it is will help you tackle it once and for all…
1 It’s just a disagreement
If your child is being bullied both you and his teacher need to see it for what it is: ongoing victimization based on an imbalance of power or strength. If you dismiss it as just another form of arguing you could end up mediating the problem – which gives the bully the idea he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. Be crystal clear on your message: bullying is wrong and it stops now.
2 If it’s not physical, it’s not bullying
Although a lot of bullying is physical most of it is verbal, in the form of teasing, name-calling and spreading rumors. It can also take the form of social isolation, with one child being frozen out of the group.
3 It’s what kids do…
Bullying isn’t just a case of kids being kids. It can have serious consequences for the bullied child, affecting her mental and physical wellbeing and interfering with her academic progress. Kids who are bullied tend to have lower self-esteem and higher rates of depression, loneliness and suicidal thoughts. They’re prone to headaches, stomach upsets and sleep problems and cut school more often. There are consequences for the bully too: they’re more likely to fall into a pattern of violent and antisocial behavior as they reach adulthood.
4 It’s not going on at my kid’s school
How can you be sure of that? According to the Health Resources and Services Administration, up to 25% of school children are bullied frequently and up to 20% admit to having bullied other kids. It’s not just urban schools either – it even goes on at seemingly peaceful rural schools among kids who’ve grown up together. Has your child’s school ever carried out an anonymous survey? It might be worth suggesting one at the next PTA meeting.
5 My child would tell me if he was being bullied
Surveys show that less than half of bullied children report it to an adult. They may be concerned you or their teacher won’t take them seriously, and may also fear repercussions should the bully find out.
6 It’s easy to spot a bully
No – not all bullies are social misfits or big kids with mean tempers. Some research has indicated that they’re among the most popular kids at school, with lots of friends. Other studies have suggested that particularly assertive children with strong leadership skills are more likely to bully quieter kids.
7 Kids need to fight their own battles
Some kids simply aren’t confident enough to do that and in any case it goes back to the way you see bullying. Yes, kids should be able to work with each other to find a compromise if they disagree but bullying is abuse and no kid should have to cope with it by himself.
8 My kid shouldn’t get involved…
One of the best deterrent to a bully is seeing that his peers don’t approve of his behavior. Most kids think bullying is wrong and over half of them say they have interceded to try to stop any incidents of bullying they witness. Don’t put your child off defending his quieter, weaker friends or classmates because you’re afraid he’ll become a victim too. It’s less confident children who are usually at risk so if your child is confident enough to step in and help, he’s unlikely to become a victim himself – but he can play a vital role in stopping bullying.