Mom, how do I look?
Feeling confident about how they look, no matter what their shape or size, is vital for your child’s sense of self-esteem – but the pressure to be perfect is affecting children’s body confidence earlier than ever. If kids lose confidence in their body they lose confidence in themselves: they may end up actively avoiding social situations and sports and activities that expose their bodies, and fixating on what they see as their physical imperfections. Empower your child against feeling this way by showing them that who they are is way more important than how they look.
Encourage activity
Kids who are physically active have higher self-esteem and lower body angst so motivating your child to stay strong and fit, no matter what size or weight they are, is one of the best gifts you can give them. Health experts recommend that kids who are elementary school age and up should get a minimum of 30-60 minutes exercise a day. The key is to de-emphasize the fact that it helps keep the pounds off – instead, focus on how it’ll make your child feel: how it’ll boost her mood and vitality and help combat stress and anxiety.
Get your daughter into sport
Sport is a great avenue for directing attention away from a pretty face. Seeing that their body can be functional, not just decorative, can help your daughter become much more confident about their physical competence and helps direct their attention away from worrying about how they look.
Celebrate their abilities, not their looks
Kids have more confidence in their bodies if they feel good about themselves. What’s on the inside counts, so make sure your child knows that image isn’t everything by celebrating their strengths, personalities, talents and skills. Tell your child when they’re doing something well and use it as an opportunity to reinforce a positive body image: for example, “You were so strong and fast in that match: I’m sure that’s the reason the team won”; “You play the piano beautifully – you have such a light touch”; “That picture is lovely – you’re so artistic”.
Prove that looks don’t limit potential
Look through family photo albums together to demonstrate that your child’s closest relatives come in all shapes and sizes but have still been successful in whatever they chose to do. This way, you’re explaining that some aspects of your child’s appearance are inherited and beyond her control – but that she can achieve a great deal with hard work and talent.
Make teasing taboo
Research suggests that teasing a child about his weight or shape can damage body confidence and potentially lead to eating disorders in adolescence. If you or your kids’ friends joke about how they look, they may believe everyone else is viewing them with the same critical eye. If you have more than one child it’s important to make sure they don’t make hurtful comments about how they look. Explain how those remarks can hurt a person’s feelings and chip away at their confidence and self-esteem and ask your child to think about how they’d feel if someone made those comments about them.
Don’t dismiss your child’s concerns
Empathize with your child if he expresses dissatisfaction with his appearance but reassure them that their body is growing and changing all the time and whether they’re bigger or smaller than their friends, they can still be fit and healthy.
Teach them tease tactics
Arm your child with self-affirming statements they can use to confront teasing and boost their body confidence – for example, “I’m proud to be different because it makes me unique. If we were all the same life would be so boring”, or “If I wanted to look like you I’d make the effort – but I’m happy in my own skin”.
Encourage a healthy view of food
To a child who isn’t body confident, food can seem like the enemy. Encourage a balanced, body-confident attitude towards eating by instilling the message that diet is linked to fitness, health and smarts, not just weight. Tell them that healthy food will help them feel energetic, protect them from illness and boost their brainpower. And let them balance their own appetite – young children know when they’ve had enough, so don’t force them to clean their plate. Learning to recognize when they’re full means they’ll eat only when they’re hungry and this helps prevent the overeating habit.
Be media savvy
Kids are bombarded with unrealistic body images that tell them it’s the packaging that counts, not the person. Boost their confidence in themselves by helping them see that media images are often an illusion and that what’s considered ideal now may not be in a few years. Don’t let your child grow up thinking they’re supposed to look like the glamorous celebrities they see on TV and in magazines together. Explain how cosmetics are used to improve a person’s looks and how photographs are airbrushed and edited to make models look perfect. When you watch TV, ask them if they actually know anybody who is that thin or that muscular, and explain that the stars they want to copy have bodies that are not realistic for most of us.