Toddler toilet training: your questions answered
Potty training can seem overwhelming for most parents, especially if it’s your first child because you’re entering new territory. There are so many questions and differing opinions on the subject that it can be difficult to even know where to begin.
But, relax. The most important tools you can bring to the table are your time and patience. In the meantime, here are some common questions and answers that will help you decide the best route to take in training your little one…
All children should potty train at the same age, right?
Actually, training should begin when the child has shown signs of readiness. There is no specific age, but most children begin showing signs of readiness sometime between 18 and 24 months of age.
How will I know when my child is ready?
While it’s not a perfect science, children will usually exhibit some of these signs of readiness:
- Staying dry for up to two hours.
- Asking to have their wet diapers changed.
- Showing interest in the bathroom.
- Indicating by words or body language when it’s time to go.
- Wanting to wear ‘big boy/girl’ pants.
- Being able to help dress/undress themselves.
- Understanding simple directions.
While most children complete toilet training by the time they reach age 3, others take longer. Why is that?
The time when children begin potty training varies greatly for each individual child and can be influenced by their birth order, personality and gender. Some kids are not physically or developmentally ready to receive and interpret the same signals that tell the rest of us, “It’s time to go to the bathroom.” Still others may be getting the signal, but their muscles are not yet able to ‘hold it’ until a bathroom is available.
In these situations, it is usually best to wait a bit longer to begin. Don’t force potty training – I’ve not had a normal, healthy patient enter kindergarten in diapers yet! Resist the guilt and stress that other parents or your family may try to place on you because your child is not potty trained yet. If your child needs more time, then give it, because conflict during potty time will lead a child to ‘withhold’ bowel movements, which over time can lead to severe constipation, which can be very difficult to deal with.
What basic equipment or supplies will I need to get started?
I recommend getting a child-size potty chair or a child-size seat that fits your adult toilet seat, along with a step stool. A sturdy step stool can lead to independence, both at the toilet and the sink. Potty chairs can be a bit easier for most children because they don’t have to climb onto them, and their feet will still reach the floor. Also, they will not be afraid of falling into the toilet on a potty chair. You’ll have to decide which works best for your child.
You will also want to purchase a good supply of pull-up diapers or training pants. There are a variety of pull-up pants out there, so you may need to experiment for the best fit, leak protection and the one that best prompts your child to use the potty.
How should we begin?
Make going to the potty part of the normal routine when your child wakes, after breakfast, before and after lunch and snack times, and before bed. If you are at home with your child, encourage them to take potty breaks when you do.
Get your child situated comfortably on the potty, and find yourself a comfortable seat, too. Talk with your child about a topic he or she enjoys. For example, if you have a little girl who enjoys playing with dolls, talk about each one and ask her how she takes care of them. You can talk about the day your child was born, share a few ‘kiddie’ jokes or ask your toddler what he/she wants to be when she grows up. You might also read a book, play I Spy or sing a song. Whatever you decide, make sure to take breaks to assess the ‘potty progress’ and give your child some quiet time to concentrate.
Be sure that other members of the family and any childcare providers are on board to help. Don’t set your children up for failure by forgetting to tell the sitter or teacher that your child is potty training.
Should I use a reward system?
Kids are different and respond to different toilet training methods. Take the time to find out what motivates your child. For starters, I suggest a potty training system of incentives and rewards that includes a reward chart with stickers that enable your toddler to record successful trips to the bathroom. Kids usually enjoy seeing their name on the wall with a good outcome and will likely continue to strive for the same results.
Other ideas include rewarding children with a special treat each time they get it right. I recommend healthy treats, such as grapes, raisins or other fruit. But the occasional candy treat can be allowed in the mix. Of course your rewards don’t have to be edible – for instance, you could offer an extended playtime, new books or small, inexpensive toys.
What are some other ways to motivate my child?
Watching mom or dad to see how the grown-ups use the potty can be a good motivator as can watching older siblings. While the bathroom need not be a public thoroughfare, never make your child feel as if the bathroom is off-limits.
Making potty time enjoyable also helps. For instance, with boys, letting them aim at cereal or some other target in the water can be both fun and productive. Also, make the potty environment entertaining for toddlers by stocking it with books or children’s magazines.
Buying your child fun new underwear designed with some of their favorite animals or cartoon characters on them can act as further encouragement. The freedom to do more ‘big kid’ activities, such as going to preschool, taking dance, gymnastics or martial arts classes and moving up from the church daycare to a children’s class with older friends or siblings, usually only comes with mastering the potty. Remind your child of the extra things he/she will be able to participate in as a ‘big kid’.
Are learning materials, such as books and videos, necessary?
They aren’t necessary, but they can help. Because some children are visual learners, books and videos teaching them how to ‘go potty’ may be mom and dad’s greatest asset. Your toddler will relate to the character or ‘hero’ on TV or in the book and, hopefully, try to imitate their behavior. Also, if mom and dad are having difficulty in explaining things, the books or videos can help you approach potty training in a way that your toddlers understand.
Some parents make their child continue to wear a dirty diaper to teach them a lesson. Is that acceptable?
No, it usually makes the situation worse and the only thing you’ll encourage is diaper rash. Remember, you want potty training to be a pleasant learning experience. So find more positive ways to achieve results.
How should I handle ‘accidents?’
Parents should be prepared for accidents as a normal part of the learning curve – even after your child seems to have mastered using the potty. Kids make mistakes, and they have a place in healthy growth and development. So, refrain from shaming or punishing children for their potty accidents.
Instead, use positive reinforcement to ensure success. In the beginning, thank your child for letting you know they are wet or ‘poopy’. Explain to them that by using the potty next time, they can prevent these occurrences. Encourage your child with lots of hugs and praise when they do it correctly. Also, drop in words of admiration at times that are not potty times. Try not to communicate a sense of desperation on your part about your child becoming potty trained, as it will only increase anxiety about the process. Also, be prepared at all times with extra clothes and other items so the mistake can be handled quickly and without undue negative attention.
Every parent wants their child’s toilet training to be a pleasant experience, but busy schedules and other parenting demands can get in the way. However, toilet training doesn’t have to be stressful for you or your child. Let your child help set the pace. Watch for the cues that he or she is ready to begin; browse through tools, expert advice, videos and more to discover what works best for you and your child. Then, be patient and enjoy this time of watching your child learn and grow toward independence.