Daycare drop-off disaster

Growing concerns: when kids hate daycare

It’s common for young children to put their parents through the wringer when it’s time for daycare drop-off and you can end up spending the entire day beating yourself up over your kid’s tears when he likely forgot it five minutes after you left…

How can I make the drop-off easier at daycare?

My 2-year-old son sometimes screams, cries and clings to me when I’m dropping him off at daycare, making me feel extremely guilty that I have to go to work. His teachers say the crying doesn’t last long and he seems to enjoy the rest of the day, but he definitely isn’t happy when I leave. I’m a single mom and don’t have a choice over staying at home with him, but I feel like I'm abandoning him!
 


Dr Erickson says…

It’s not unusual for children this age to raise a fuss when their parents drop them off at childcare. The screaming and crying can reflect several different things. First of all, many toddlers haven’t yet moved beyond the normal stage of separation anxiety, a period when they feel most secure when a parent is nearby. This intense separation anxiety gradually decreases as a child develops language skills, becomes more interested in being with other children, and learns that parents leave for a while, but always come back. 
In today’s busy world, children’s fussing about separations also can reflect their frustration at being rushed from one place to another – especially early in the morning when they’d rather ease into the day more gradually.

Separation protest can be exacerbated if a child picks up the ambivalent or guilty feelings parents have about leaving their child. If your child senses that you see the separation as a big deal, he’s likely to see it the same way.
 To ease your own guilt, it’s important to realize that being in childcare is not necessarily a negative thing for a 2 year old. In fact, there are many benefits associated with good childcare, including stimulation of language and cognitive development and opportunities to develop social skills. 
That said, here are a few steps you can take to help ease the separations for both you and your child… 


• Slow down your morning routine before you take your son to daycare. Build in some time for snuggling and reading a story together; or make time for an unrushed breakfast together. As hard as it may be to get up a few minutes earlier in the morning, it’s worth it to reduce the stress that comes with being too rushed.
 

• Encourage your son to use ‘transitional objects’ to help him separate from you. That’s a fancy name for special blankets, teddy bears, or other special objects that give your son comfort.
 

• Be matter-of-fact when leaving your child at daycare Give him a hug and tell him his childcare provider will take good care of him while you’re at work. Then smile and say, “I’ll see you this afternoon,” as you walk confidently out the door. 

• Relish the reunion when you pick your son up at the end of the day. Greet both him and his caregiver warmly, look at your son’s art work, or have him show you the things he played with. If you communicate to him that you think daycare is a safe and fun place for him, he’ll be more likely to perceive it that way too.


There is just one caveat to these reassurances: it is always possible that a young child’s ongoing crying indicates that his daycare setting isn’t a good place for him – or, in a small number of cases, that the child’s difficulty with separation signals an emotional problem. If over the next few weeks your child doesn’t respond well to the suggestions here, you should investigate more closely the quality of care he’s receiving at the center. Or, if his separation anxiety is intense and prolonged and occurs across a variety of situations, seek guidance from your pediatrician or a child psychologist.


 

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