Practical parenting: raising a generous child
Giving and taking: how much and to whom and where do you draw the line and when should you be selfish and when selfless. These are questions that most of us grapple with on a daily basis, whether when we encounter a beggar on the subway (Look away? Give a quarter?) or when we feel someone has taken advantage of our good nature. Our children must also navigate these murky territories, and while it’s a given that kids tend to model their behavior after their parents’, it can be tricky to help them find the balance between softie and sucker. I believe that, in the same way that making playdates and dental appointments are givens, “giving a little” should be built into our children’s lives.
Is my daughter too generous?
My daughter wants to give money to every homeless person she passes on the street. She ends up giving away her entire allowance within a day or two of receiving it each week. What’s the best way to encourage her generosity while also encouraging her to save some of her money.
Pam says…
First, congratulations on raising a caring, empathic child who is moved to make a difference in others’ lives! What a wonderful problem to have – to have to figure out ways to encourage your daughter to be less selfless! And yet, potentially, it could be a problem. You don’t want your child to be gullible and taken in by every hard luck story, nor to assume that her money is necessarily being used to purchase food or other necessities. It might be – but it might well not be.
While my children have also given to people on the street, I’ve tried to provide other organized and structured ways in which they can fulfill their charitable impulses. For example, when my children were younger, they divided their allowance into three categories – spending, saving or giving away – and placed amounts of their choosing into empty coffee cans which they’d decorated.
Sometimes, we would take the money from their “give away” can and write a check to one specific charity. In your case, if your daughter feels particularly concerned about homeless people, there are several organizations that you can give to and feel certain that it will aid the people it serves. Finally, remind your daughter that, as important as it is to be kind and generous to others, she is entitled to drop some of her allowance money into the metaphorical saving or spending coffee cans because even if not homeless, she is important, too.
Something else you can do is seek out ways she can give back to your local community. For example, my family has organized a street cleaning day for our street which, without getting into specifics, entails collecting money from our neighbors for plants and soil, then spending the day beautifying our little part of the world. What are your children passionate about?