Sibling crib-sharing

Growing concerns: sleeping like a baby

Sibling closeness can often lead to little kids climbing into bed with their big brother or sister and you may find them snuggled up together most mornings. It can be a problem if they spend their time in bed playing instead of sleeping, though!

Big kid in the crib!

Our 3-year-old son Chris has always been a champion sleeper – usually all we have to do is tell him it's time for bed and gets a book to read and hops into bed. He shares a room with our 1-year-old and they’ve been great roommates – but for the last few weeks, Chris has been climbing into the baby’s crib. Initially they’d play – not good at 3am – but now Chris is actually climbing in and falling asleep. How do we stop this?

Dr Erickson says…

For starters, it may be helpful to think about why Chris is doing this – what purpose it serves for him. Does he long for the coziness of snuggling up with his baby brother, especially on cold winter nights? Does he feel more safe and secure in the confines of the crib and with someone close by? Or might Chris be jealous of the attention his baby brother gets, with his antics and cuteness? If so, could it be that he’s trying to show you that he's a cute little baby too, rather than a ‘boring’ 3 year old? I know that sounds awfully analytical, but it happens! Whatever the reasons, the following steps should help put a stop to the behavior…

• Make clear it’s not OK Tell Chris clearly and firmly that it's not OK to get in the crib – he needs to sleep in his own bed.
• Find an alternative Depending on what he can tell you (with words or behavior) about his reasons for getting in the crib, suggest an alternative. For example, some possibilities might include sleeping with a big teddy bear; moving the crib nearer to Chris's bed so he can feel close to his brother without getting in the crib; or coming to get you if he feels scared in the night.
• Reward him for staying in bed Praise Chris profusely (you could try using a reward chart) for staying in his own big-boy bed. Initially check on him at 15-minute intervals after bedtime, and praise him each time for staying in bed. Give him a big hug and praise when you find him in his own bed in the morning.
• Put him back in bed If you find Chris in the crib at any point, move him swiftly and firmly back to his own bed without talking too much about it. Simply say, “You need to sleep in your own bed.”
  

If these steps don't solve the problem, you may even want to tell Chris there will be a consequence if he keeps getting into the crib. This could be loss of a privilege, or perhaps moving the baby's crib into another room until Chris learns to stay in his own bed. Just knowing that could happen might be an incentive for him to stay in his own bed.

 

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