Help your gifted child make friends

Why can’t my child fit in?

Friendship can be difficult for kids. Their age, personality and level of maturity plays a big part in determining how they respond to other children and a high IQ can lead to them feeling isolated, misunderstood and lonely. High ability and/or gifted children can find social situations very difficult. Intellectually they may be high-flyers, but socially and emotionally they often struggle to have positive and fulfilling relationships with their peers. Some simply feel ‘out of step’ with kids their own age and are more comfortable with adults.

What sets them apart?

Sometimes high ability and gifted children can come over as arrogant and precocious, appearing to know everything and acting at times much older than their chronological age and this is often the main reason they feel different from their peer group. Some often don’t have any interest in playing the ‘normal’ playground games – which also does them no favors when establishing friendships.

Bullying or being picked on for looking or behaving differently can be a problem and this needs to be taken seriously and nipped in the bud. Being referred to as a geek or nerd, or being told you can’t play with your friends when you’re 5 or 6 years old is hard to deal with. It’s important your gifted child has the confidence to tackle bullying of any degree head on.

Helping your gifted child cope

It’s important from a very early age that you teach, model and nurture the social and emotional development of your gifted child. In this way, you can pre-empt some of the future difficulties that could arise.

Manners, social skills, positive communication, interaction, kindness, respect, empathy and compassion are all essential ingredients for responsible kids. As parents, we have to teach most, if not all, of these skills and model them consistently and positively – we’re not born with them. So how do you do it with your gifted child?

• Encourage positive friendships Even just one good friend is much better than none at all.
• Seek out different social situations Encourage your child to join a range of different clubs and activity groups where they might meet like-minded friends their own age..
• Show empathy and compassion while also being firm but fair when it comes to arguments between your child and her friends.
• Monitor any cyberfriendships Many young people prefer to communicate via Messenger, MySpace or Face Book and many high ability kids may find this ‘penpal’ friendship option preferable due to their difficulties with social situations and encounters. This is OK, but ensure you teach safety guidelines and boundaries and monitor very young children’s use of the Internet carefully. Teach your child not to give out real names, phone numbers or addresses and never to meet anyone without letting an adult know about it.

 

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