Why kids are horrors at home…
It’s an age-old story: your child is a little angel at nursery: kind, polite, helpful and caring towards his teacher. But when he comes home he has regular
tantrums, never does what he’s told and
beats up on his kid sister. Why?
Letting off steam…
Assuming you know how to draw correct
boundaries, the probable cause is that home is where children can relax. “Kids have to behave a certain way at nursery or school, but at home they can run around, shout, scream and play,” says relationships counselor Suzie Hayman. “It’s normal for a child to let off steam at home, where they feel comfortable and unconditionally loved.”
Freedom of expression
Another reason could be that what you perceive as ‘bad’ behavior is just your child’s way of expressing his or her needs. If you can, have some daily
special time with each child, reading, talking or playing a favorite game. “Even negative attention is attention,” says Suzie Hayman. “But if a child has his need for ‘me-time’ satisfied, he may not seek out that negative attention.” In other words, if you make time just for him, his behavior should improve.
Spend time with your children having fun and you’ll find you’ll get less bad behavior from the start
Good cop, bad cop
Should parents play good cop, bad cop to help with day-to-day discipline? Back in the day, dad was boss: “Wait until your father comes home,” moms would warn – and kids would do just that, dreading those paternal footsteps with mortal fear! But times have changed, with current wisdom stipulating that both parents need to be
equally involved in family life and discipline.
“Children always thought fathers were in charge of discipline – but that not only robbed dads of the chance to be the nice parent to have fun with, it also put him in a position of not having a fully-rounded relationship with his own kid,” says Suzie Hayman. “Children need to learn that the same person can say yes or no, that they can love someone even if they are doing things that person doesn’t like.”
The problem is, Suzie says, that many parents get into the habit of only paying attention to their children when they are noisy and naughty, and ignoring them when they are nice and quiet. “Both of you should be the good and the bad cop, the people who have fun with your children but when necessary draw the boundaries,” she adds. “And if you spend time with your children having fun, rather than just trying to bend them to your will, you’ll find you’ll get less bad behavior from the start.”