Naughty step 101
A quick scan of the Supernanny Forum shows how thousands of families are now using – and succeeding with – the
naughty step technique. Many stories show how this method of timeout has transformed children’s behavior and given exhausted parents a strategy for household peace. Nevertheless, every child (and every parent!) is different, and the forum threw up some recurring issues with the naughty step technique which our team has found the answers to…
He just never learns! I put him on the naughty step, but he repeats the same behavior the very next day – how can I make the technique work?
Consistency is the key to successful discipline. However you discipline a toddler, statistically he’s quite likely to repeat his bad behavior within two hours, and even more likely to do the same thing again that day! The naughty step technique is more likely to work if all his carers are using it and have agreed on house rules and consequences. So stay consistent – if he knows you’ll give up after 10 minutes of tantrums, he’ll continue to scream! You may have to put your child on the naughty step 10 times in half an hour, but eventually he’ll realize you’re serious and stay put.
Remember, your role is to teach that bad behavior has real consequences. It gives your child the opportunity to think about his actions and start to understand the importance of saying sorry, and helps you both learn how to move on.
She won’t cooperate and jumps off the naughty step after a few seconds of timeout. How can I keep her on it?
Be firm. If your child always jumps off the naughty step, continue to put her back, gently but firmly, until she stays for the agreed time – one minute for each year of her age.
The idea of a particular spot, like the naughty step, where a child is put for timeout is that it should be in a calm place with no distractions. This gives her time to think about what has happened without you or any brothers and sisters bothering her. Children need an audience for their bad behavior. If you simply ignore their tantrums, and remain consistent, they’ll eventually accept the punishment.
My child is nearly 6. Is he too old for the naughty step?
Every child is different, but for most children, the naughty step will continue to be an effective form of time out until they’re around 7 years old. After this, you could try using an area of the house where they go as more of a ‘chill-out zone’, to calm down and then discuss the issue properly. This shows your child you’re giving him space to mature and deal with his feelings as an adult.
The penalty spot is a great alternative to a step, especially for older boys.
Once your children are 7 or 8, they will respond better to communicative techniques like the thought box technique.
At what age can I start using the naughty step?
From when your child is around 3, start trying the naughty step technique in conjunction with two or three simple house rules (for example, ‘no biting’, ‘no hitting’).
For very young children, these tips to disciplining without using time out should help. Try involving them in whatever activity you're doing if they're misbehaving to get your attention. If it's a sibling or friend they're fighting with, try distracting them from the person or toy which is the issue. Anticipate a problem developing, and simply move them into another room or out of the house, or engage them in a new activity.
My child enjoys the naughty step, and even goes to sit there on his own. What should I do?
This is a tricky, but surprisingly common, dilemma. Your child is probably testing his boundaries to see how far he can push you. The key is to remain firm. If he wants to sit on the naughty step, let him! But when he’s put on there as a reprimand, make sure he doesn’t get any attention for the designated time period. If he moves away, put him back and re-start the timer. He may like it the first time, but he won’t enjoy being ignored by Mom and Dad for the twentieth time!
You should also ensure the naughty step is located in a quiet place, away from the TV, family distractions and toys. If one spot isn’t working, choose a different spot in the house. Sitting in the most boring corner of the house is likely to take away their enjoyment very rapidly!
The naughty step works at home, but what can I do when we’re out?
Try the naughty mat. If you normally use a naughty step at home, a naughty mat can be a great portable equivalent – you can even take it to restaurants or on family days out to keep your approach consistent. Find a quiet corner and lay down the naughty mat. Explain clearly why she’s there and how long she needs to stay. Stay calm and don’t feel embarrassed – other people will be grateful you’re not allowing bad behavior to continue in public!
Younger children (from around 3 years old) especially will benefit from the consistent approach to discipline, and they can learn about the consequences of their behavior on the spot, rather than waiting until you return home when they’ll probably have forgotten what is they did. Once they’ve had a timeout, you can both forget about what happened and carry on enjoying your day.
Consistency, consistency…
Every new rule or discipline technique is difficult at first. Just stay calm, be consistent and remain firm and it will get easier... eventually!