Bye-bye bedsharing!
When parents get into the habit of sharing their bed with the kids, it can be hard to break. But don’t lose hope. There are some easy techniques to get even the most stubborn kids back into their own
beds.
As a parent, what do you want?
If having your children sleep in your bed has turned from novelty to hardship, it’s time to make a change. Your children may be scared to sleep alone, or you may feel more comfortable having them nearby. With the proper approach, they will be able to handle sleeping in their own beds, in their own rooms.
But I’m afraid!
There is a reason your child wants to sleep with you, and correcting her behavior should tackle the underlying issues. Investigate to find out your child’s motivation, perhaps using a creative approach such as acting out bedtime with dolls, or having your child paint pictures.
"The things you are most likely to find are: your child has night time fears, i.e. she is afraid of the dark, being alone, closet monsters, etc.; she is jealous of one parent or a sibling; she is afraid of losing your affection if she ‘grows up,’" suggests Dr. Alan Greene, pediatrician and author of From First Kicks to First Steps.
Rather than simply putting your child in bed, locking the door and hoping for the best, work to dispel the fears and insecurities. If your child is afraid of the dark, install a nightlight and put a flashlight on the bed stand. If she has a fear of monsters in the closet, give her a spray bottle of "monster repellant" (water).
Be creative and help her overcome her fears. Maybe mom has to do a room sweep at bedtime, checking under the bed and in the closet. A stuffed animal might serve as a symbolic protector. As she resolves her bedtime issues, heap praise and reward. Create a bedtime routine that promotes confidence. A consistent approach will increase the likelihood of success.
Other tips:
- Be clear: There should be no doubt moving forward what the rules are. Explain that now she will be sleeping on her own, and emphasize that is a positive thing, a sign of maturity, and that mommy and/or daddy will be nearby.
- Make your child’s room and bed inviting and comfortable: The challenge of getting your child to stay in bed may be related to insecurities about her surroundings. Make sure you use a gentle, gradual retreat programme if she's scared, especially if she has nightmares.
- Schedules and routines: Wind your child down with a routine that may include stories or games. She will associate this enjoyable time of day with bedtime. Never use sending your child to bed as a punishment; it will have the opposite effect.
- Potty time: A bathroom schedule can be just as important as a bedtime schedule. Make sure your child goes right before bed. She will be less likely to wake, and come knocking at your door.
- Cut the coddling: Stop the habit of falling to sleep with your child by slowly moving farther and farther away. Eventually, you should be able to put your child in her own bed without having sleep separation problems.
- White noise: Some children will sleep more comfortably with a fan or white noise machine running in the background.
- Praise your child’s successes! For you child, sleeping on her own is an accomplishment. It should be recognized.
Once you have established clear rules regarding bedtime, they must be enforced, and the best tool for enforcement is consistency. Relenting when a child complains or slips into your bed later in the night will only send a mixed message.
It may be a difficult, but when your child calls out, don’t continually respond by tucking your child in over and over again. When she tries to crawls into your bed in the middle of the night, return her to her bed and encourage her to try again. With a little patience, you can help your child become an independent sleeper.