Alternatives to “no!”

“No!” limits…

  One day it happens. Your cute, adorable, cuddly baby has turned into a preschooler – and she’s discovered the word “NO”! Emphatic, heartstopping, and powerful. The word no is a favorite among children because they hear it so often from parents when they mean business.

Children are corrected many times in a day – and that’s a lot of negativity thrown at them. Eventually, the word “no” loses its impact and children get so tired of hearing it, they learn to tune parents out. So how can we avoid overuse of the word “no” when relating to our child, but still get the message across that some limits have to be respected? Try using these positive alternatives…

• “Yes, later” Works well when you want to delay something such as a cookie before dinner.
• “Not today” Tells your child that the possibility is open, but the timing is wrong.
• “When we’ve done (insert your chore or task of choice) then we can (insert your treat of choice)” This technique is especially good for transition times, for example: “When we get to Grandma’s, then we can have ice-cream.” This also works great to establish a routine and help toddlers discover the order of events in their world: one event often follows another.
• “Let me think about it” Instead of an automatic “no”, you always have the right for time to think about your decision. We often make better parenting decisions when we’ve allowed ourselves time to think about what we’re really being asked, and what response we want to give.
• “Yes, did you bring your allowance with you?” You’re getting across the point that your child can purchase the treat/toy/treasure but you’re not paying for it.
  

“Yes (with qualifier inserted here)” For example, “Yes, you may eat your chocolate after breakfast”, “yes, you may ride your bike after your homework is done”, “sure, let’s play after the dishes are done.”

Other tips include being sure to tell your child what she can do as opposed to what she can’t do. Instead of “no running!” try “please walk”; instead of “no jumping on the couch” try “couches get broken when jumped on. Please jump on the floor cushions”, or “Let’s use our church voices, instead of our outside voices.”

There’s always a more positive way to state a rule. Personally, when I hit a barrage of “no this, no that” I start to feel negative and uncooperative. No matter what their age, all people respond better when rules are communicated positively. For example, “I’m worried about dirt on the carpet. Let’s take our shoes off in the house.” will elicit much more cooperation than “no shoes in the house”. For just one day, try to avoid the N word and rephrase all your correctives in positive language. Save your nos for absolute safety reasons. See what a difference it makes in the cooperation of your children!

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