Settle Your baby With Controlled Crying

Baby settling skills: the key to a good night’s sleep!

My daughter Anastasia is 6 months old, has never slept through the night and refuses to go to sleep on her own. It’s my fault, I’ll admit: I enjoyed rocking her to sleep in my arms when she was smaller so she’s gotten used to it at bedtime. I’m trying to break the habit but nothing I try to do seems to work and I always end up stroking her face to help her drift off. Trouble is, the minute I try to leave the room she starts screaming again. What am I doing wrong? And what I can do to make life a bit better for my baby girl (and also her tired mommy and daddy!).

What’s Controlled Crying?

Controlled crying is a sleep training method that teaches your child to sleep independently, but child development experts don’t recommend using it before the age of 6 months, as we feel a gradual retreat technique is more appropriate for younger babies. Controlled crying does not mean you abandon your baby to her tears – instead you return to briefly check her at set intervals to reassure her and yourself. The length of time between visits is gradually increased until your baby is asleep.

A child who can’t self-settle will invariably be a poor napper, tending to wake after a short sleep cycle of 30-45min. Teaching your child to self settle at night will improve the length and quality of her naps.

The key to this technique isn’t to stroke, pat or re-position your baby. This type of contact could be seen as a reward for crying and rather than reduce the crying it could teach your child to cry for a set period before you go into her and cuddle or stroke her… thus inadvertently encouraging more crying.

How the technique works

Try this controlled crying bedtime routine to teach your child to settle alone – and bear in mind that it should take no longer than 30 minutes. Pre-bed milk should be giving downstairs before starting the bedtime routine. The routine should be a calm/winding down exercise and it should be consistent.

STEP 1

Give your baby a warm bath, lasting no longer than five to 10 minutes, with one or two toys only and then straight into the PJs.

STEP 2

Take her into her bedroom for a story or cuddle. If you’re reading a story or singing a nursery rhyme chose a calm, quiet one – nothing involving loud exclamations or wild hand gestures!

STEP 3

Lay your baby down in her crib. say goodnight and leave the room.

STEP 4

If your baby cries when you place her in her crib, start the controlled crying technique:

• Wait five minutes before going back to the room. Make your check brief and any interaction minimal. Don’t touch, pick her up, or cuddle her – simply say, “Mommy/Daddy is here, go to sleep” and then leave, even if he is still crying.
• If she’s still crying after 10 minutes, repeat the procedure.
• If she’s still crying after 15 minutes repeat the procedure and continue to repeat it every 15 minutes until she’s asleep.
• If she starts to quieten down, wait to see if she’s starting to settle to sleep – if you go in at this point you may disturb her. If she starts to cry loudly again, start your checking again.

You’ll need to follow these steps every time your child wakes in the night – start your checking from five minutes after she stirs. If you apply the technique properly your child shouldn’t cry for much more than an hour and remember: you will be checking on her regularly if she does cry. Use the technique at nap time too.

Stick to the routine

Don’t give up – consistency is key because if you do fold you’ll be back at square one having made no progress at all. The first three nights will be gruelling, but after this you’ll see a considerable improvement. The point of this technique is to teach your baby how to sleep independently.  If she’s waking constantly then she’s probably not getting the sleep she needs to grow and develop. The considerable benefits of getting that sleep – to both her and you – will out weigh any temporary discomfort.

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