No more tantrums

Tackling tantrums

Tantrum-proof your home - some useful tricks and tactics

Every child will throw a tantrum at some point, but there are ways to deal with tantrum episodes and prevent them from happening again...

• Toddler-proof your home by placing dangerous or breakable things out of reach.

• Have clear routines to your child’s day; for example regular lunch, nap, bath and bedtimes.
  

• Plan ahead, keeping an eye on frustration levels so you can step in before they go over the top.

• Provide lots of opportunities for your child to let off steam every day –running around outside or at the playground, or dancing to music.

• Give children some control and choice over what to eat, wear or play with.

• Use distractions and diversions for as long as they work – a new toy, a changed activity, a song or game.

• As children reach pre-school age, talk to them about how you want them to behave in different situations and have clear, simple rules .
  

If tantrums do happen...

Even with all these strategies in place, you’re unlikely to have a totally tantrum-free life – so it makes sense to have a few ideas up your sleeve for how to deal with them.

For a minor episode...

• Try ignoring it, by walking into another room or just carrying on with your own tasks

• Use calming techniques to lower your own stress levels – deep breathing, relaxing your muscles, positive talk inside your head: ‘I will keep calm’.

• If ignoring your child hasn’t worked, try jollying him out of his bad mood. Say something like, ‘Time to stop now – I’ll count to 10’, then give plenty of praise and cuddles if the tantrum stops.

• If you’re at the mall, it’s sometimes best to just pick up your child and go outside to cut down your embarrassment.

For a really major tantrum, different tactics are needed...

• Speak calmly, saying, ‘I’m here, I won’t let you hurt yourself’.

• Hold your child tightly, preferably making eye contact.

• Sometimes you just have to weather the storm till your child calms down.

• A time out can help with over-3s if you find it impossible to stay calm. Time out involves putting your child somewhere safe but boring (for example, his stroller) for a couple of minutes. It should never be forced in anger and isn’t really understood by under-3’s. It may work best for parents to take it themselves!

Top tips for cutting down tantrums

• Aim for some happy, relaxed times every day – reading a story, visiting the park, playing a game.

• Show a good example by remaining calm when times are stressful. This encourages your toddler to do the same.

• Cut down negatives – constantly saying ‘No’ will add to a toddler’s frustration. Instead, use phrases like ‘later’, or ‘after lunch’.

• Keep aware of new stresses (potty training, starting daycare) that may need more sympathy.

• Respect your child’s feelings. Feeling understood will reduce your child’s need for tantrums. Try saying, ‘I know that makes you mad’, or ‘That must have made you feel sad’. Your child will see that their feelings matter and can gradually learn to put them into words, saying “I’m angry” instead of acting it out.

• Use positive parenting – reward your child with plenty of praise attention for behavior you do want, trying to ignore as much as possible behavior you don’t.

• Avoid harsh discipline – shouting and punishments only make tantrums worse.

• Use humor to defuse tricky situations – silly songs, laughter, making a game of tidying toys can all work brilliantly! A hug or a tickle at the right moment can also change a child’s mood.

Most children do grow out of the need for tantrums when they have more language and understanding. But the way you deal with them in the toddler years is important. If they are handled harshly, with responses like yelling and smacking, or if you constantly ignore your child’s feelings and need for comfort, they may well become worse and carry on for longer.

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