Get the behavior you want from your autistic child
It’s estimated that one child in 150 in the US has symptoms of autism – a number that’s on the rise – yet despite this prevalence, the disorder is still widely misunderstood.
Adults and children with autism have difficulty understanding the unwritten social rules of society, and may find it difficult to interact with other people. Autistic children have very different discipline needs from non-autistic children – and even between children with autism, similar behavior issues may require completely different strategies. For that reason, don’t despair if some of these techniques don’t work with your child – be persistent and patient and you’ll eventually find something that works.
Acting up
Traditional discipline won’t work for a child with autism. Many children with the condition are unable to understand the consequences of their actions, so punishment is likely to make behavior worse and cause more distress for both parent and child. Follow these tips:
- Prioritize safety Take your child out of the situation as soon as possible.
- Trace the trigger Find out why your child is misbehaving. If the behavior is recurring, it’s likely that he enjoys the reaction he gets from you or any siblings. Perhaps his yelling always gets him removed from an uncomfortable situation? If so, he’s likely to continue.
- Focus on the positive Instead of punishment, give lots of praise when he does something well and use a reward chart to encourage good behavior. Use positive language: for example, instead of saying, “stop pulling your sister’s hair” say “put your hand down”.
Obsessive behavior
Children with autism often display obsessive and repetitive characteristics, which can have major implications for behavior. If your child is obsessed with a particular cartoon character, for example, he’s likely to become very distressed if the DVD stops working or his TV time is interrupted for any reason. Follow these tips:
- Understand the upside Work out what your child gets from the obsession. For example, he may enjoy the sensory pleasure or routine of flicking his fingers, or use it as a distraction from distressing social situations.
- Set boundaries Tell your child he can speak about his obsession for half an hour at 5pm – and schedule that into his routine.
- Reward him with it Use the obsession to motivate and reward your child for good behavior. For example, he could earn points (use a visual Reward Chart) towards a new toy train or collector card. Always ensure reward points are given immediately so your child makes the connection between his good behavior and the reward.
- Teach him turn-taking Clue your child into social interaction by showing him that other people may not share his obsession. Play a turn-taking game: he can talk about his obsession after you’ve talked about your own hobby for five minutes.
Discipline for siblings
For a sibling without autism, it can be difficult to understand why her brother or sister receives different treatment or appears to ‘get away with’ bad behaviour. Follow these tips:
- Explain autism to your child’s siblings and classmates and encourage them to ask you questions about the disorder.
- Team up with them Focus on how they can help their sibling by giving them a special responsibility, such as helping their brother tidy away his toys, and give them plenty of attention when they co-operate and behave well.
Sleep
Sleep issues are extremely common in children with autism. They may need less sleep, become anxious about bedtime, or wake at night and wander around their room or the house. Follow these tips:
- Make your home safe If your child wakes at night, ensure he won’t injure himself on sharp corners or stairs – continue to use the protective corner cushions and stairgate you used when he first got on the move.
- Keep a sleep diary for your child, to help you figure out why he’s having sleep problems. Maybe his room is too hot, cold or dark? Perhaps he’d prefer weighted bedclothes?
- Use timetables and routines List bath time, story time and sleep on a visual timetable and include a symbol for waking up. Some children find sleep scary because they don’t know what happens at the other end – make sure he knows he will wake up in the morning.
School behavior
Children with autism have most difficulty during ‘unstructured’ parts of the school day, such as lunch and free playtime. They may not understand how to play team sports or interact socially with their classmates. For this reason, it helps to put structure in place for your child.
- Book a buddy Ask your child’s teacher to get other (perhaps older) children who can each play a game or talk to your child for one lunch period a week.
- Keep him busy Ask the teacher to give your child a job at playtime. Perhaps he could help in the lunch room or stack books in the library?
- Plan his play time Explain the concept of play time to your child – for example: “After lunch you’ll play with a train set for half an hour”.
Behavior in public
Children with autism can be overwhelmed by a short trip to the mall or the store. While some parents can deal with the anxious or loud behavior, many simply avoid public situations. Nevertheless, there are strategies you can use to make your child feel more comfortable.
- Nix the noise Give your child headphones so he can muffle the confusing sounds around him.
- Prepare a timetable for the trip. For example: “At 4pm we’ll go shopping, and we’ll go to the fruit aisle for 10 minutes, then the freezer aisle for five…” and so on.
- Set him a task Give your child a special job to complete during the trip, using visual symbols to guide him – for example, he could be in charge of choosing the bananas.
Keep it consistent
When disciplining children with autism, it pays to be consistent. Make sure everyone involved in your child’s life is using the same strategies to deal with his behavior and any discipline problems that may arise.
Try not to blame yourself for your child’s behavior. While it may often seem like it’s directed at you, it’s not your fault – his behavior isn’t the result of bad parenting! And finally, remember you’re not alone. Thousands of other parents are going through similar experiences every day. Seek help and support, and talk to other parents whenever possible.