How to make sure three’s company…
If one new baby in the house is hard for an older brother or sister to deal with, imagine the shock when two arrive at once! Both their parents will suddenly be frantically caught up with two demanding babies, and everywhere the family goes people will point and coo at “the twins.” Just how do you ensure your other children aren’t left out?
1. Include big brother or sister too
It’s vital your older child doesn’t feel replaced by the new babies and involving him in their care is a good way to help him feel included and useful. Perhaps he can help you fetch diapers or wipes, sing to his new siblings or tell them stories. When family and friends are admiring your new babies, pay some attention to your older child – you could steer the conversation around to how well he’s helping you or how he’s doing at school or nursery.
2. Don’t stint on the praise
Make sure big brother feels valued both as an older sibling and as a person in his own right. “I remember praising Oliver a lot when his brothers were born,” says mom to three Lindsey Gray. “I told him what a clever big brother he was, and he became extremely proud. That was a very good thing.”
3. Be prepared
If people come bearing gifts for your newborns, ask if they can bring something small for your older child too. If they don’t, then perhaps you could have something on hand ready to whip out if necessary – it needn’t be expensive.
4. Work on relationships between the children
If possible (perhaps if a parent/grandparent looks after one twin on his own for a while) let the older sibling and the other twin spend some time together. That way they all feel like part of a team.
5. Don’t think it all stops as kids get older!
When her sons, Alex and Toby, were babies, Lindsey Gray says she made sure she gave their big brother a lot of attention. That tailed off as the babies grew, but Lindsey’s noticed that now the boys are 10 and 8 she’s having to be aware of it again. “The twins are a complete unit and I can’t split them,” says Lindsey. “Sometimes Oliver does feel ignored, and if I don’t address that, he tries to disrupt their games. Even I feel left out sometimes, so I understand it!”