“Dwight made a real difference to our world”
“I believe that things happen for a reason,” says Supernanny mom Antoinette Lewis, who has faced the loss of her husband Dwight, with fortitude, courage – and her faith. That faith has enabled her to rise above her grief even when it threatened to overwhelm her.
It was Dwight who contacted Supernanny and asked her to help his family, after he was diagnosed with stomach cancer at just 45. He knew Antoinette would be hard pressed to cope with their two children without him being there. Dwight’s capacity to focus on his family at a time when his health was rapidly failing comes as no surprise to Antoinette. “He was a truly special person,” she says of the husband with whom she shared four short years of marriage and parenthood. “He loved the idea of being part of a family, and longed for children,” she continues. “Soon after we met I discovered a pair of tiny baby shoes he’d bought at a yard sale before I even knew him. When I asked why he had them, he said, ‘they’re for my little girl’.” When the couple found out they were expecting Selah, 2½, Dwight hoped and prayed the baby would be a girl. “When she was, he went out and bought 250 beautiful dresses, all ages,” Antoinette remembers. “Selah has yet to grow into some of them but she knows her daddy chose them for her.”
Antoinette was pregnant with their little boy, Christian, 9 months, when Dwight was told he had cancer. He’d been unwell but doctors had reassured him it was just a gastric upset. The news was unbearable for Antoinette. “We were so happy, with a baby on the way. It was unreal to be hearing that Dwight wouldn’t be there to share it with me as we’d expected.” Dwight accepted the news with serenity. “I remember him saying to me, ‘this is God’s plan and we can’t question his decision’,” says Antoinette. “He showed such grace. All our family, friends and Dwight’s doctors were praying that he would live to see his son – and all he could worry about was us all feeling so sad, and how we would manage without him.” She says that Dwight was especially moved by the children he saw being treated for cancer. “It broke his heart. ‘They haven’t lived,’ he said. ‘They haven’t loved and had a family like I have’. He said he was fulfilled and that if this was his time he was happy with that.”
Antoinette feared she’d never get a handle on parenting by herself. “Having to be so organized isn’t really me,” she says. “And I had relied on Dwight for so many things that I didn’t even think about until he was gone. It’s hard work to parent two kids alone, having to cut myself in half to give them the attention and time they need. Even something as simple as playing in the yard would turn into a chore with having to clean up afterwards – things Dwight had done for me.” Supernanny Jo Frost helped Antoinette see the value of routines and schedules that would help save her sanity and give Selah a sense of security drawn from the fact that some things stayed the same even though her dad wasn’t there any more.
Antoinette’s friends and neighbors also rallied to support the family at their darkest hour. “Everyone was praying for us,” she says. “And they were a source of practical help, setting up a fund for me and the children to tide us over financially. That was a big worry for me – we relied solely on Dwight’s paycheck and I was faced with the real possibility of losing our home and everything we had built together.” The family is still in a financial limbo, but the knowledge that she isn’t alone has meant a great deal to Antoinette.
Jo Frost also guided Antoinette in how to talk to Selah – and Christian, as he gets older – about Dwight. “She did something so special for us: she created a DVD of our family and Dwight’s friends sharing special memories of times they’d shared with Dwight: stories about things he’d said and done. Our children will get to see what a great guy their dad was and how many lives he touched – that he made a difference in this world.” Jo also helped Antoinette put together scrapbooks for the children, with photographs and memories of their dad. “It was difficult, but it was inspiring too,” she says.
Selah prays to her daddy each night and Antoinette tells her that her dad can hear her and that she can always talk to him. As for herself, she’s taking it day by day. “It means so much to me that I had the chance to say goodbye to Dwight,” she says. “So many people lose loved ones without getting that opportunity. He knew I loved him. And near the end he said to me, ‘promise me that you’ll be happy for our children and for yourself, and that you’ll live your life’. I’m going to give it my best shot.”
You can help the Lewis family – log on to http://helphernow.com to make a donation to Selah and Christian’s trust fund.