Discipline for single parents
Single parents overwhelmed with their kids’ behavior need to get organized and assert their role as head of the household – but this message is often lost when children’s behavior spins out of control. This was the experience of Donna Mihalik, mom of four, who found she was leaving her kids to their own devices because she didn’t have the willpower or energy to be the boss of them. The Supernanny team suggests the following to help parents like Donna take back control...
Share time together
Tips to connect with your child
- Build a strong family routine and stick to it. Allocate time for chores and time to spend as a family.
- Use mealtimes as ‘us time’
- Plan structured time to help your child with their homework
- Switch off the TV and get into a routine of family games in the evenings and stories before bed for younger kids. Watch this clip from the show to see how shared play can re-forge broken bonds and pull the family together again.
- Spend alone time together. One-to-one bonding with each child can help older and younger kids alike feel secure in their new environment. Build it into the family routine and stick to it.
- Spend Sunday together. When was the last time your family spent an entire day together?
According to Columbia University’s National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, children of families that eat together are less likely to exhibit behavioral problems, including experimentation with drugs and alcohol. The same children are also less likely exhibit symptoms of depression, and more likely to excel academically.
Time spent together is where behaviors are shaped and reinforced.
Stay in control
Establish ground rules
Raising kids by yourself means you don’t have anyone there to back you up if they won’t play nice. Keep them co-operating by making expectations clear when it comes to behavior. The first thing Supernanny often does on the show is establish a clear set of house rules, so the family can agree on consequences for not sticking to these rules. Jennifer Wolf, a Parent Coaching Institute certified parent coach, suggests the following for single parents:
- Communicate a set of 3-5 rules before children misbehave.
- Misbehavior is often a search for approval in disguise. Find opportunities every day to praise good behavior. Reward charts are simple and effective ways to encourage good behavior – check out our great selection of print-and-color charts.
- Develop a firm and serious tone of voice. Lowering your voice can be a good tool for effective parent-child communication.
- Set boundaries – children need to understand when their behavior is crossing a line. The house rules will help them remember what behavior has been agreed as unacceptable.
- Redirect/separate. A child who displays persistent bad behavior can be redirected. If the problem is fighting over toys, take them away; if it is about television, turn it off.
- Ignore it. When misbehavior is tied to a desire to draw attention, do not allow it to succeed.
- Have a time out. Choose a place, such as a chair or corner, where children are challenged to think about bad behavior. A good rule of thumb is a minute for every year of age. Take a look at how Supernanny uses the naughty step technique to enforce time out on the show.
- Remove privileges – children need to learn the cost of bad behavior.
- Think about natural consequences. Sometimes a child’s behavior can induce its own negative consequences and lessons. A child who talks back at school, for example, may receive detention.
Show them they come first
Nearly six of 10 single-parent households are at or below the national poverty level, according to U.S. Census Bureau statistics. Nearly 20 million children, more than a quarter of all children in the U.S., live in a single-parent household. This means many single parents – in most cases, mom – may be struggling to keep food on the table. Keeping up at work is key to providing for the family, but children need to know they remain the priority. Try giving older children one ‘duvet day’ off school a year, when they can choose to stay home with you, and you pledge to take the day off work.
More tips to connect with your child
- Play reporter: Interview your children, and let them interview you. Understand their needs, wants and personal goals.
- Practice active listening: Your child will open up when you try to understand their world.
- Validate your children’s feelings: In a child’s world, big things may be small, and small things big. By understanding his or her feelings, a parent can guide a child toward an understanding of complex situations.
- Ask questions: Family decisions can be better understood and better received if a child feels his or her point of view is considered.
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
More tips for single-parent sanity
- Take care of yourself.
- Build a community of friends, co-workers, support groups and other single parents.
- Ask for help, and don’t shy away from help when it is offered.
- Share the childcare with others.
- Don't take your anger out on your children.
- Be honest with your children about the changes in your life.
- Recognize that you can't be both parents.
- Share the job of parenting with the other parent.
- Remember there is no such thing as a perfect parent.
Source: University of Minnesota Extension Service
Finally, remember that you are not alone. You’ll find single parent support groups in most towns and cities, and the Supernanny forum is open 24/7 to hear your thoughts, tips and problems!