Crowd control…
Supernanny tackled a houseful of kids when she visited parents
Kadi and Daniel Prescott – the couple have seven children! Kadi was doing her best but there were times when she felt totally overwhelmed – and times when he felt some of her kids were slipping through the cracks and not getting the attention they needed.
Big can be better…
Large families can be hugely beneficial for your children. It can help them learn that life is all about give and take, not just ‘me, me, me!’ They have playmates on tap and this constant interaction with kids both older and younger provides non-stop intellectual stimulation. There might be more sibling squabbles, but they teach fairness, sharing, tolerance, forgiving and forgetting.
Every member of your mega-family knows they’re needed to, because they all play a vital role in ensuring that family life runs smoothly – what a great confidence booster! Plus, mom and dad’s likely shortage of time and money means kids in big families tend to grow up way more independent and way less materialistic, since they become aware of the difference between wants and needs at an earlier age. And most importantly of all, your children will never be alone – they’ll always have the love and support of their brothers and sisters.
Don’t make mountains out of molehills when it comes to discipline, because one crying child in a house of five or more can swiftly degenerate into a near-riot!
Giving all your kids the time they need
Parenting a large family means dads are more likely to get involved in raising their kids but even so, you can both can feel as if you’re having to cut yourself in several pieces to do chores, feed the team and spend one-to-one time with each individual child. And while it’s tempting to fall back on the older kids to help out with the younger, it may not be fair to your tween or teen if they’re lumbered with more chores than their younger siblings – as was tending to happen with 8-year-old Marli Prescott. And in many cases your older child may not actually be able to help out, what with homework and after-school activities.
In the Prescotts’ case, matters were further complicated by the fact that their 7-year-old son has ADHD and they found it difficult to deal with him with the other kids around all the time. And the fact is that with a range of different age groups in your family, it can be hard to address their specific emotional and academic needs – and, in the chaos, hard to notice they need some individual attention. All kids are different – you won’t have three, four (or seven!) who are content with the same parenting approach, and that means you’ll need to constantly adjust the way you handle them depending on their age and ability and differing personalities.
Kadi and Daniel Prescott found cutting themselves in seven was impossible – and it is. But often all it needs is a little organization, routine, teamwork and understanding to get your large family co-operating to the extent you can make the time for all your children, one at a time. Here are Supernanny’s tips for doing just that…
1 Recognize distress signals
Kids in big families approach problems and worries in different ways. Are you spending a lot of time supporting the child who shouts loudest and ignoring the child who tends to say silent and brood if things are bothering her? Tune yourself into the way your child behaves when she has something on her mind so you can pick up on her needs and offer the comfort an advice she needs.
2 Don’t rely too much on older children
Experts say that in order for brothers and sisters to be friends in adulthood you shouldn’t make them accountable for each other when they’re kids. Older kids can help out by doing a few chores but don’t turn your tween or teen into a kiddy caretaker – they could end up resenting their younger siblings, which won’t make family life run any smoother.
Hire a sitter every now and then so you can spend time with each of your kids on an individual basis – maybe take in a movie or go for pizza
3 Stay interested in school
There’s some evidence that children from large families do less well academically – it makes sense if you consider they probably have to do homework with constant noise, and you might not be able to give them much guidance if you have preschoolers, toddlers and babies to care for as well. However, research does show that kids with three or more siblings can do well if you show an interest, talk to them about school and their college prospects in a positive way and lay on a supply of books and newspapers in your home.
4 Have the whole family help with homework!
Often toddlers and preschooler might feel left out if you’re sitting helping your tween with her math. Lay on some ‘teaching’ props: an abacus and Cheerios (great for simple math), paper, crayons and pencils, some drywipe letter-learners; and get the younger kids doing their ‘homework’ too. you might even find they learn their abc, 123, letter-writing and listening skills earlier because of it.
5 Plan playdates at your house
Kids close in age who are friendly with the same child can get left out of playdates because other moms can’t or won’t have three or four of your children over to play at the same time. For that reason it might be better to arrange playdates at your home – ask the other child’s mom to send snacks so it’s not always falling on you to feed an extra child or two when you already spend a small fortune feeding your own.
6 Make chores a learning curve
Your large family can be a real live learning curve as co-operation between the big kids and the tiny ones teaches younger member of the family skills they’ll need in everyday life. Get your older child to help out, yes – but make it educational by asking him to show his kid sister how to make her bed or sort the laundry. That way it’s not all being left to the oldest children and the younger ones can take over some responsibilities when they’re fully trained!
7 Get those kids in the kitchen
It’ll make mealtimes a whole lot easier if your oldest children can check what’s in the pantry and plan the day’s meal accordingly and your younger kids can lay the table and get drinks ready. When it comes to the food itself, older children can help prepare and cook simple meals while younger brothers and sisters can wash vegetables and shred lettuce for simple side salad.
8 Celebrate your degree in parenting!
Let’s face it – by the time number three or four arrives you’re a parenting expert! You know a mild fever is nothing to panic over, that teeth don’t fall out if you forget to brush them now and then, that playing outside in the rain doesn’t lead to flu. And being so laid back means that you should be able to sail through number five, six and seven… not least because you won’t sweat the small stuff
9 Make time for yourself
Time for you will be in short supply, so set your clock half an hour earlier in the morning so you can sit and have coffee, read or go for a walk before your children get up.