Is fostering the right choice?
In the United States, an estimated 500,000 children are in the foster care system, according to the nonprofit
Foster Club , so the demand for foster parents is difficult to meet. If you are considering becoming a foster parent, you can provide a valuable life-changing experience to a child, and a service to your community.
Consider the positives — and the negatives
Foster children sometimes come from difficult backgrounds that may include physical and sexual abuse, extreme poverty or parents who are substance abusers. While they may benefit from the stability and caring environment you can provide, foster children may also have to work through psychological issues related to a tumultuous past.
Foster parents are often ready to give the caring that these displaced children deserve, but there can be difficulties such as violent or destructive behavior, theft or disrespect for you and your home. While it is reasonable to expect these things to be corrected over time, it will take persistence. Before you commit to caring for a child, be sure you have the patience to handle the emotional trauma that a child may be carrying.
What’s your family’s position?
As an adult, you and your spouse have the maturity to understand that bringing foster children into your home is an opportunity to give them another chance. But your children may not have the same attitude.
The prospect of adding another “sibling” to the family dynamic may threaten your children, and give them mixed signals about their value in the family structure. Rather than seeing the potential in this new child, they may see them as a wedge in their relationship with you.
Before committing to foster parenting, take the time to understand your children’s positions. They should be part of the decision, and understand that while you may be helping a needy child through a difficult time, the family will have to make challenging adjustments.
Consider the cost
Although foster parents are often given stipends — as well as tax breaks and medical care aid — it may be difficult to support another child without some personal expense.
If you already have children, sit down and do a budget to figure out with reasonable accuracy how much it costs you to provide for them. Along with food and shelter, think about things like health care, tuition and the extras, like books and toys, that are a part of every child’s life. The amount you spend may surprise you ... and enlighten you about your ability to multiply the per-child cost, even with government assistance.
Foster agencies can provide you with in-depth information as you contemplate foster parenting. In the end, caring for a child in need may be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life.
Researching foster parenting:
- Because fostering programs are run on a local level, do some research to find out who administers foster programs in your area.
- See if your local foster-care administrator offers orientation services or counseling. They will give you good information — including financial considerations — to help you determine whether fostering is for you.
- When you sign up, understand the type of foster care for which you are volunteering. Will you be providing temporary care for children in transition, or are you providing a long-term foster home for a child or siblings?
- Know the special needs you may encounter with a foster child and how it will affect your family relationships. Your foster child may require specialized care.
- Understand the difference between adoption and fostering. Perhaps fostering could be a gateway to learn about what to expect if you adopt? While some foster children are adopted by their foster families, most are returned to their birth families.