When kids want it all
When Supernanny Jo Frost visited the Browning family it wasn’t hard to see that the six kids were being handed everything on a plate. It wasn’t hard to see the reason why either: two busy parents were effectively paying off their kids to assuage their guilt at not spending enough time with them. It’s a habit many parents fall into, especially when they work and are all-too-conscious that quality family time is non-existent.
The Brownings made up for quality with quantity: TVs, DVDs, computer games. The result was a family that had forgotten how to communicate with each other and a houseful of kids who’d embraced consumerism and had far too much regard for the almighty dollar – to the extent that the two oldest boys accused step-dad Charles of being a freeloader because he didn’t earn as much as their mom. Charles, meanwhile, took refuge in spiritualism… but ignored the kids. And mom was in danger of needing her cellphone surgically detached from her ear because she worked all day in order to make all that money she spent on paying off the kids.
Promoting the right values is a sure-fire way to prevent selfishness and make kids more sensitive to the needs of others
Families who spend way too much in the pursuit of material wealth often develop strained relationships. Kids become lonely and depressed because gifts really don’t make up for what they really want – some attention from mom and dad. In the Browning home that need for more than technological bribes was personified in little Charlette, all but forgotten at bedtime. And the trouble is that kids who are used to being handed everything they want are in danger of losing sight of the things that really matter especially as they reach their teens, when peer approval starts to factor in. At that point it’s way too late to try to convince them that spending time together as a family is more important than taking dad’s credit card to the mall. And as for teaching them smart spending habits that will stand them in good stead when they’re adults and budgeting for their own family – forget it!
So how do you raise your child in a way that ensures they don’t rate success according to how much money you earn and how much stuff they have?
1 Emphasize non-material values
Show your children how much fun it is to go on a bike ride, picnic or hike, play a board game together or do well in school. Spend as much family time as you can in activities that don’t involve spending money.
2 Sow the seeds of saving
It’s a great way of teaching children that nothing is free in life. When your child wants something, tell her you’ll meet her halfway if she can save up matching funds from her allowance. And while you’re at it, emphasize that you don’t get your own ‘allowance’ for free by making her weekly allowance dependent on completing age-appropriate chores.
3 Find free hobbies
Think up something that encourages some creative thought and a sense of invention. Kids love collecting but instead of spending a fortune building your child’s soft toy or DVD collection, suggest she collects pretty stones or shells; or inexpensive postcards that she can use to jot down some details about where she bought them and what she did that day.
4 Prioritize your spending
Instead of buying gifts that will be forgotten by the following weekend or which won’t last, buy gifts that last beyond the next tween craze. Books are a good example; or toys that develop her skills and imagination.
5 Think beyond your checkbook
It’s not necessary to buy things – most libraries have a children’s section that may also let you borrow toys, and auction websites are a good source of inexpensive secondhand items. Or why not arrange a big books, DVDs, computer games, toys and clothes swap session at your local community center or with some other parents?
6 Be charitable
Introduce your child to the idea of charity by getting her a separate piggy bank she can put loose change into for a charity she chooses, or think about ‘adopting’ a child in a developing country if your child is older. Explain how children in poor countries might only have a stick to play with instead of proper toys and how they might have to work for a living even though they’re a grade-schooler just like her. Tweens and teens can really benefit from seeing how that $10 they would spend inside an hour can pay for vital medicine, surgery or school books for a sick and less privileged child.
7 Make them media savvy
Kids want what they see advertised on the TV and in magazines, so explain to them about how advertising is aimed at making them think they need things when they really don’t. With an older teen you can introduce them to how some commercials might even lower their self-esteem and body image by suggesting they won’t look pretty unless they use a certain cosmetic or hair product.
8 Avoid materialism yourself
It’s not just toys and computer games! Do you upgrade your cellphone every six months? Are your kitchen countertops packed with hi-tech gadgets? Is your TV as big as the garage door? Work on curbing your own materialism and your child will find you far more convincing when you’re telling her she really doesn’t need those designer jeans!